(A Year After ) My 48th Year

When you turn 47, get diagnosed with cancer, and find out your boyfriend is moving abroad all in the same week, it seems like something to write about. My goal is to spend a year--starting on my birthday--chronicling my life and my thoughts. It may all turn into a lesson in narcissism and I promise it won't always be as sad as the beginning.

Posts tagged "cheesecake"

I Will Miss Cheesecake the Most

So, it’s been awhile since I blogged.

The robot attack was fine, if you consider 45 minutes attached to a steel table by your head fine. It was actually rather fascinating, with the robot arm moving all around the room zapping me with radiation. They played classical music and there were times it was like being in a science fiction movie, with pastoral music playing in the dark while a robot arm moved all around the room buzzing and spinning and zapping.

The side effects were the most dramatic I’ve had so far. Really tired, mouth sores, swollen throat and tongue. I lost the majority of my moustache and goatee, so I shaved the whole thing off. Difficulty eating. Mom was here for about ten days and then I rode back to Huntsville with her and attended Jimmy’s, my nephew, confirmation.

I realized my doctors are serious narcotics pushers. When I saw one doctor and he asked how often I was taking my pain meds, I said every six hours. His response: that’s not enough, take more. So suddenly I’m like Heath Ledger or Whitney Houston, planning my day around the next time I could take pain meds. I couldn’t really eat unless I had taken the Percocet so I was suddenly orchestrating when I could take drugs so I could eat. Crazy.

On Tuesday, I turned a corner. The mouth sores had largely gone away. I was no longer just drinking protein shakes and eating soup. I could have pasta (pasta, no sauce, tons of olive oil on top, Parmesan cheese is surprisingly satisfying) and other more soft/solid foods. Last night, I made stir fry vegetables and chicken.

Which brings us to cheesecake. When I can eat normal again, I may never have another protein drink, milk shake, or bowl of soup again. I’ve lost about 15 pounds since the robot attack so I’m searching for calories anywhere.

But I will miss cheesecake. In my effort to calorie load, I’m eating cheesecake because it’s soft and creamy. It’s awful for me and my overall health. But it will probably be the only thing from the last few months I will really crave.